Although my parents were Christian, we never talked much about God or our beliefs; it seemed like a very private subject. At about age 10, I was “saved”… I walked the aisle and said the salvation prayer, and got baptized the following Sunday. It was great. But I really didn’t know what I was suppose to do after that. I figured I ought to read my Bible, and I tried, but didn’t know how to approach it, so I tried to read it cover to cover, not realizing that isn’t usually the best approach. So I’d get frustrated and not pick it up again for a long time. Over the years, I was pretty much spiritually stagnant. Sometimes I’d make a few baby-steps but never could quite figure out how to serve the Lord AND keep up with my Monday-thru-Saturday life. Other times, I strayed farther. I still prayed, but mostly they were prayers of asking for things to go my way, or explaining/rationalizing to God why I was doing the things I was doing. Basically, I talked to God, but I didn’t want to hear from Him. I felt like I had things under control, and I didn’t want Him messing with me or my life, except maybe to get me out of trouble. I wanted to lead, not follow. (If you know anything about couples/ballroom dancing, you know that it does not work when the one intended to follow tries to take the lead!)
Finally, several years ago, a whole lot of things happened, snowballed, and I reached a place of brokenness. I realized that what I had been doing wasn’t working at all; I realized how tremendously imperfect I am, and how desperately I needed a Saviour. I realized that I can’t do it on my own, and that I need to let God love me – that also means I need to let Him change me. If I wasn’t so broken, I don’t know if I ever would have reached that point of letting go of my control. It wasn’t one magical moment that this happened; it was a process, but this was finally a real beginning. God began to work in me, and He pruned me and my life severely. It hurt. But I finally began to grow. The Lord led me exactly where I needed to be, to the church home I needed, to the friends He wanted me to have at that season of my life. I continued to grow, I continued to seek Him. I learned much, and the more I learned, the more I sought to know. I pray that never goes away. I will never know or understand everything in this life, but I never want to lose the hunger and thirst for God. During this time, I married Ken, who was also beginning a deeper walk with Christ, and we have helped & encouraged each other along the way. He is such a blessing to me, and I pray that I am a blessing to him, too. We’ve learned that keeping Christ at the center of our marriage is essential.
From the time I was a child, if asked if I was Christian, I would have said yes. I believed in Jesus. But Satan believes in Jesus, too: he knows & acknowledges that Jesus is God, but chose not to follow Him. I now believe that for all those years, I was just what our pastor calls a “cultural Christian”, meaning someone who calls themselves Christian because they go to church and grew up in a Christian home, etc. But did I FOLLOW Jesus all those years? No. I let him give me the gift of salvation, but I did not give Him my heart and my life in return. It was not until I gave up control and began to TRUST Jesus with my life that I became his follower. Now I know Jesus as my Saviour and my dearest friend, the only one that I know will NEVER leave me or forsake me. What a great relief that all I have to do now is follow… it’s much less worrisome than trying to lead!
Finally, several years ago, a whole lot of things happened, snowballed, and I reached a place of brokenness. I realized that what I had been doing wasn’t working at all; I realized how tremendously imperfect I am, and how desperately I needed a Saviour. I realized that I can’t do it on my own, and that I need to let God love me – that also means I need to let Him change me. If I wasn’t so broken, I don’t know if I ever would have reached that point of letting go of my control. It wasn’t one magical moment that this happened; it was a process, but this was finally a real beginning. God began to work in me, and He pruned me and my life severely. It hurt. But I finally began to grow. The Lord led me exactly where I needed to be, to the church home I needed, to the friends He wanted me to have at that season of my life. I continued to grow, I continued to seek Him. I learned much, and the more I learned, the more I sought to know. I pray that never goes away. I will never know or understand everything in this life, but I never want to lose the hunger and thirst for God. During this time, I married Ken, who was also beginning a deeper walk with Christ, and we have helped & encouraged each other along the way. He is such a blessing to me, and I pray that I am a blessing to him, too. We’ve learned that keeping Christ at the center of our marriage is essential.
From the time I was a child, if asked if I was Christian, I would have said yes. I believed in Jesus. But Satan believes in Jesus, too: he knows & acknowledges that Jesus is God, but chose not to follow Him. I now believe that for all those years, I was just what our pastor calls a “cultural Christian”, meaning someone who calls themselves Christian because they go to church and grew up in a Christian home, etc. But did I FOLLOW Jesus all those years? No. I let him give me the gift of salvation, but I did not give Him my heart and my life in return. It was not until I gave up control and began to TRUST Jesus with my life that I became his follower. Now I know Jesus as my Saviour and my dearest friend, the only one that I know will NEVER leave me or forsake me. What a great relief that all I have to do now is follow… it’s much less worrisome than trying to lead!
